Isolation is nothing new to me. Neither are mental health struggles and depression.
 
If you’ve seen me speak at APCA, you’re probably aware that I’ve been battling depression and mental health issues since I was in middle school.  I hid my struggles behind alcohol and drugs, and spiraled downward until I landed at rock bottom.  I woke up in a neck brace in a hospital bed and learned I had driven while intoxicated, caused a car crash, and took someone’s life. 
 
I spent eleven years in the justice system because of that night.  For six weeks of my prison sentence, I was on 23-hour lockdown in a 6’ x 9’ prison cell.  Isolation can feel like the worst thing in the world, but it doesn’t have to.  With the appropriate attitude and tools, isolation can create the environment you need to shed bad habits, introduce good ones in their place, and make significant positive changes in your life.
 
When I was in prison, I used isolation as an opportunity to self-improve.  The moment I set foot across the threshold, I made a commitment to myself that I was going to change.  I knew it would be a difficult personal journey.  But I also knew there was no better time to take the first step.
 
Everyone is different and your experiences during this time will be as well.  Pay attention to how you’re feeling.  Check in with yourself and be honest. Below, I’ve listed five of my go-to techniques to refocus anxiety, angst and depression, and channel positive change in my life during stressful times.  Maybe some of these techniques will work better for you than others. The point is that you’re setting an intention to care for yourself, and you’re following through.
 
Work Out / Exercise
Physical activity is scientifically proven to generate endorphins and boost your mood.  I try to do some type of workout every day.  This is a very basic, yet effective way to manage your mental health. 
 
There are numerous apps and YouTube channels that provide home workouts with no equipment required.  Some gyms are even sharing real-time workouts on Instagram Live.  Experiment; try new things, maybe you’ll discover a new workout you love.  In any case, get your heart rate up, sweat, and release bad energy from the day.
 
 
Meditate
Meditation, if you have the patience for it, can be a fantastic way to exercise your mind.  I’m far from a professional at meditation, but five to ten minutes a day helps calm my battle with anxiety and depression.  You don’t need any accessories to meditate.  Sit in a comfortable position, back straight, and focus on your breathing.  Apps like Calm or Headspace are available for guided exercise. 
 
Read
Reading is another excellent option to exercise your brain.  Most major library systems have an online catalogue that you can access straight from your phone.
 
I wasn’t much of a reader before I went to prison.  During my six weeks of lockdown, I read every book I could get my hands on.  I’ve never lost that habit.  I tend to go for self-help, business/leadership and spiritual books.  My wife loves fiction.  Whatever your preferred genre, reading will help you grow as person and unlock new ideas for you to pursue. 
 
Write/Journal
I’ve written thousands of pages in journals and notebooks.  I’ve written rhymes, poems, streams of consciousness, random thoughts, business plans and ideas.  There is something cathartic for me about sitting at a desk with a pen and paper.  I can write away my anger, negative self-talk, lack of self-worth and despair.
 
Science shows that handwriting opens up a level of creativity that isn’t as accessible when you are typing on a phone or computer.  Write down your thoughts and dreams. Journal your experience in isolation, write down gigantic life goals that nobody thinks you can obtain.  Use this time to plan your future, focus your desire and purpose, and create a plan of action.
 
Strengthen Relationships
You should be practicing social distancing.  But that doesn’t mean that you can’t nurture relationships with the people you love. If you are struggling because you miss your weekly brunch with family or dog park play dates with friends, take the initiative and reach out.  Start a group chat, facetime a loved one, learn a TikTok dance; leverage social media to your best advantage.
 
The coronavirus outbreak has caused me to lose nearly all my income for the next four months.  Each day, I have moments of sadness and depression, but I also choose each day to focus on the future.  I am channeling my energy into positive exercises, like writing this article, for example. I’m finishing my first book, writing a new business plan, and spending time with my amazing wife.
 
Even with all these good intentions, there may be times you face a struggle with your mental health that is overwhelming.  Do not be afraid to ask for help.  I’ve reached out to counselors in times of darkness and will continue to do so.  There are numerous online resources that you can use and I’ve listed a few of them below:  (Full disclosure: I have a partnership with Betterhelp, but they are one of many.  I don’t care what resource you use, just as long as you find a resource that helps you. 
 
There are very few occasions in this life where you can freely give yourself permission to focus on you.  How will you handle this moment?  Will you focus on the negative, feeding your hopelessness and pessimism? Or will you take this time to self-reflect, examine your past choices, and choose to embrace a new and powerful purpose?  I hope you choose the latter. I know I will.
  
If you are Suicidal call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255 or
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/
 
Here are a few of the most common and some online professional resources.
Try your community mental health center. Each state and county have them.
There Free resources on Mental Health First Aid
7Cups – Free option to talk to peer specialists
Facebook – Search in Groups Mental Health. There are many groups and members to chat with who are going through struggles like you and I.
 
Paid Services with professional counselors that can truly help.
Talk Space
Online-Therapy.com
Betterhelp.com (I have personally used in the past and currently have a partnership with them. If you use www.betterhelp.com/ethanfisher they give you 50% for an entire year of their full service package. 
Livehealthonline

​Invisible diseases and mental health issues are causing significant issues among the youth and affecting their lives in the classroom and at home. Schools plan and even expect students to catch a cold or the flu. School administration plan for this and expect students to miss days from school to recover, drink fluids and eat chicken noodle soup at home to get better. They allow kids to take rest days, so they can remain healthy and can come back to school when they feel better.
 
Having a mental health issue or crisis should be the same. For those that have experienced diagnosable depression or anxiety getting out of bed is mentally and physically exhausting. It can be exponentially worse than the flu. I know. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues in the past. In my experience, there were days that going to school, going to practice and getting out of bed were far more difficult than days that I had the flu.
 
At times I would get these episodes of depression when life meant nothing. Hopelessness would hit me like a freight train and school seems pointless. Life was pointless and nothing mattered. Not school, not basketball practice and not even my family. Today I still get those feelings and struggle with day to day issues of depression and social anxiety.
 
Looking back at my days in school and how I feel now, no wonder I struggled in school. Being in the environment of middle school or high school does not seem healthy as an adult dealing with mental health. Being surrounded by rowdy teenagers, peer pressure and the powerful social media pressure would seem like hell. I wouldn’t want to be a student with a depressive episode forced to go to school.
 
During the mid-1990s in 8th grade is when I first experienced depression. It would get so bad that I didn’t want to move and had no energy to do anything. My parents thought it was a “teenager” move I was trying to pull in order to skip school. They didn’t know at the time that I didn’t even want to live. Today, I believe having “mental health days” to see a doctor and find out coping tools would have helped manage my mental health. A day off would have helped me get away from the stress and pressures at school. It would have allowed me to recover. It would have giving me time at home to get my mind ready for school and my energy levels back up, so I could face my classmates and teachers. It might have helped me have a different perspective and not hate the world or the people I was surrounded by every day.

​I’ve struggled with depression nearly my entire life.  For long stretches of time— days, weeks, even months, I wanted to die.  I would smile on occasion around my family, laugh with my teammates as we talked trash on the basketball court.  But mostly, I felt numb.
 
Depression is downright fucking scary. It can grab hold of you. It doesn't want to leave. It creeps through your life, invasive and malignant, taking root in everything you care about. Daily tasks become burdensome. Getting out of bed takes so much energy that the thought of getting up is exhausting.
 
Without intervention, depressive thoughts can snowball.  My first major depressive episode began when I started to get zits in eighth grade. My classmates would tease me about my pubescent acne and I internalized the criticism, allowing it to rot and fester in my brain until I created a mantra in my head: “you’re ugly, you’re gross, you’re disgusting”. I was starting to notice the girls in my class, deep down I wished I could approach them and start a conversation, but the mantra held me back.  “You’re ugly, you’re gross, you’re disgusting”.
 
After school I would go home to my bedroom and turn on my music as loud as I could to drown out the negativity in my head.  Shooting hoops in my driveway became the only way I could escape the pain I felt inside, but it always returned. “You’re ugly, you’re gross, you’re disgusting”.
 
These thoughts followed me for years, from eighth grade to my sophomore year in high school. I never told anyone what I was feeling inside.  I didn’t think I could articulate the mixture of hopelessness, rage and loneliness that haunted me every day. I began to smoke weed almost on a whim one evening before a school dance, accepting the offered joint because I wanted the approval of my peers. Before long, I discovered that I preferred being the “bad kid” version of myself who rebelled and smoked weed to being the kid that no one cared to know.  The drugs didn’t relieve my inner turmoil. I didn't care about anything except the thought that I wanted to die. I felt nothing. School sucked, life sucked, my life was over, I was over it.
 
My thirty-eight-year-old heart breaks for the helpless teenager I used to be.  I wish someone had seen through my bravado to the pain and misery I kept bottled inside and intervened.  If I had access then to the tools I use today to manage my depression, my life may have taken a different, much smoother course. 
 
I continue to battle my depression every day, but I will not let it beat me. Finding the right tools to add to my arsenal has been critical to keeping this monster at bay.  I’ve learned that my strongest ammunition is my willingness to talk about it.  Vulnerability and openness is my ally; I’m no longer afraid to discuss my struggle with mental health.  I have a counselor because I know I need one. I'm not afraid or embarrassed and neither should you be. 
 
If you are dealing with depression, social anxiety, mood or eating disorders, a gaming addiction, substance use issues, I plead with you to reach out, to seek help. Do not be afraid to talk to about it! 
​

​Many speakers fail. The bulk give up after a year or so, lacking the resiliency to continuously chase the gigs in this industry. For all those that make the decision to stand on stage and speak to audiences, finding consistent bookings is an uphill battle. Chances are, if you're not a celebrity, politician, professional athlete, or author with some book that has caught fire, the climb uphill is even steeper, with a greater path of resistance.
 
I’m not a professional athlete, celebrity, politician or author (yet). I’m none of the above. My anonymity has made this full-time speaking career immensely challenging. In the beginning, my “career” consisted of me volunteering to speak at schools— mainly small classrooms of 20-30 students and basketball teams whose coaches saw through my inexperience to the value I could provide to their players. Back then, I didn’t fully understand what being a professional speaker was about. I was doing it just because people asked me to. That changed April 1, 2014 when I decided to go all in.
 
In the few short years I’ve been a full-time speaker, I’ve come to realize just how unprepared I was to face the reality of this surprisingly brutal business. Frankly, I was completely blindsided by the amount of effort it takes to find an audience. Typically, only about one percent of the thousands of people I contact for an opportunity to speak will even respond to my phone calls and emails.  Even though I know it’s not personal, those unreturned overtures eat away at my enthusiasm, each representing a tiny failure.  The constant rejection is demoralizing.  It’s probably what causes most aspiring speakers to pack it in after a few months. I’m not most speakers, though.  I won’t give up, even though it has crossed my mind countless times.
 
I’ve faced months without a speaking opportunity lined up, not knowing where my next check is coming in. I routinely work twelve hour days, sometimes more, trying book the next speech. Not being a celebrity or sports figure, I’ll often hear some variation of, “why would you get paid to speak, who are you?” Comments like these leave a painful ache in my stomach, sometimes causing me to second-guess this career path that’s receiving every extra resource I have to give, every ounce of energy.
 
But always, inevitably, as if the universe knows that I’m on the edge and need a signal to keep me pursuing this life’s work, an email will arrive in my inbox carrying a message that reminds me of my mission. Students and teachers will reach out, writing to share the impact my speech has had on them or someone they know.  “You saved a kid's life,” “I took keys from a friend who had been drinking at a party”.
 
Sometimes the messages are bittersweet.  Students’ words echo with the fragility of their maturing psyches, their struggles to negotiate today’s social media-driven society evident in their stories.  Some tell me they contemplated dying by suicide until they saw me speak and my speech reminded them how much they love their family and friends. Though they are heartbreaking to read, the words from these students keep me motivated.  They are the reason I spend hours alone in my office trying to get one gig, trying to get one opportunity to speak. They give me purpose.
 
My career is growing. I’ve experienced some amazing months on the road, speaking two to three times per week in multiple states, spending weeks without sleeping in my own bed. In the four years since I’ve started, I’ve spoken over 250 times in over 27 states and to over 55,000 students. Sometimes I sit alone in my hotel room after an event, drained and exhausted, and think back to those free speeches I gave in classrooms at the beginning of my career. It’s a weird feeling. I have a sense of accomplishment from the countless hours I spent in pursuit of the next gig. In these moments, I feel like I have all the momentum I need to keep moving forward.
 
Every speech for me is psychologically draining. I lay myself bare in front of my audience, exposing all my wrong choices that ultimately led to someone’s death.  Reliving the fact that I was responsible for taking a life is unfathomable agony, but it is necessary in order for me to communicate the gravity of life’s consequences for bad actions. I don’t expect forgiveness from my audience.  I share my failures as an act of accountability for the pain I’ve caused. I do it knowing I’m helping at least one listener, changing at least one life, because they can learn from my mistakes.  
 
Sometimes I think about the other paths my life could have taken.  It would be much easier to move to a beach city, coach basketball and get an average nine to five job.  I imagine that I could disappear into a normal life and spare myself from the grueling harshness of this business.  But I reread those emails from students who saw my speech and thought they found a lifeline, who reached out to me for help or friendship, and I know I couldn’t possibly do anything else.  These students keep me pushing through every rejection, every unread email or unreturned call.  They let me know I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to do in life.